80s Movie Summer Camp I Will Not Go Hungry Again Potato
These shows fall into the uncanny valley of kids shows: plots and images that are so frightening, it's shocking they were ever made, let alone targeted at children.
The Kitchen Casanova
Function of Cartoon Network's What A Cartoon! series, "The Kitchen Casanova" is not but disgusting, but securely unsettling. In the cartoon, a homo is nervously preparing dinner for his date… and and then it all goes direct to the ninth circle of hell. Equally he hurriedly prepares dinner, he accidentally switches from recipe-to-horrible-recipe, creating a hodgepodge of nasty ingredients. Then, the Casanova presents a covered serving tray to his date.
He uncovers the dinner, and reveals an epitome that has been seared into the brains of thousands of children: an eerily detailed drawing of a rolled up tongue, an eyeball (with lower chapeau nevertheless attached), encarmine basic, and a severed human being foot. As Casanova and his horrified date examine the meal, the tongue slowly unfurls, and twitches as he speedily slams the cover back onto the tray. If only the cartoon ended in that location. Instead, they brainstorm to ravenously eat the pile of icky offal, amongst icky smacking, slurping, and giggling noises, leaving children haunted and questioning whether this cartoon actually happened, or was only a baroque fever dream.
Oh Yeah Cartoons
Similar to What A Cartoon!, Oh Yeah Cartoons is an anthology of animated shorts. This version of the series, notwithstanding, was even more chock full of disturbing cartoons. "A Kids Life" features a bunch of dancing, singing pimples, with a repetitive song about how they make kids lives' miserable and can't be stopped.
This disgusting and fatalistic prove tune that ends with a creepy, life-sized talking rabbit toy with a Donnie Darko -esque vibe. Non to be outdone, "Kenny and the Chimp" (an animated short that served as a precursor to The Kids Next Door ), features a kid who unleashes and gets infected by a variety of deadly diseases, i of which causes his head to plow into a squealer (which runs away at the audio of called-for bacon).
SIniecko
In terms of pure, psychotic energy, Slniečko wins the prize. Starring a bizarre, long-armed puppet that looks like it was scrapped together using junk found in a haunted asylum'due south dumpster, this kid's testify ran in Czechoslovakia in the 1980s. The puppet (named Raťafák Plachta, which translates to "big nose coating") is fabricated upwardly of 2 men under a sheet, and a boob caput that looks similar the terminal feverish image that might flash before your eyes before dying of rabies.
His gasping, frenetic voice sounds like a serial killer vacillating betwixt laughing and crying equally he recounts gruesome crimes. Perhaps the creepiest part is that the puppet is intentionally freaky: the boob'due south creator said, "He is an eyesore, he's ugly. I retrieve the Tv station was avant-garde in a style because they were not afraid to show [an] unlikable (in looks), non pretty puppet on screen." In this context, "avant-garde" means "a seven-foot-tall terror-boob."
Jan Svankmajer'southward Alice
Hey, Czechoslovakia? Are you doing okay? Because here's some other Czech picture that is concentrated nightmare jet-fuel. It's not clear whether this 1988 accommodation of Alice in Wonderland is actually child-advisable, which the film itself coyly hints at with the ominous narration, "Alice thought to herself...Now you will run across a moving picture...Made for children...Perhaps." The surrealist film combines terminate motion with a live action child-actor in a fashion that is deeply, primally disturbing.
Most of the finish move puppets are real taxidermied animals, with bulging eyes and stock-still, startled expressions. Dead birds with fox skulls for heads make an appearance, skulls hatch from eggs, a piece of meat moves of its own accord, Alice turns into a creepy porcelain doll… and the sound blueprint is only as viscerally disturbing as the visuals. It's an indescribably trippy and horrifying film, and the experience of watching information technology could be nigh closely compared to getting high in a taxidermist'southward workshop.
Mr. Murphy Head Prove
Recollect the 1999 Mr. Spud Head Bear witness picture? If you don't, yous may have blocked out the memory. Pixar's version of Mr. Potato head is loveable and goofy, whereas the Mr. Murphy Head Show is… something else. What began every bit a Television set bear witness featuring a live action puppet of Mr. Potato Head, the spinoff pic'due south unabridged plot is a lamentation of how the Mr. Potato Caput Bear witness was cancelled.
This weird meta-commentary might be funnier if the moving picture wasn't a Frankenstein of clips and muddled half-baked ideas that amount to the crazed rantings of the prove's scorned creators. There are weird animations with live-action human lips, a half-eaten heavily-pierced anthropomorphic apple, a puppet who appears to exist a pile of assorted intestines, a one-half-ham-one-half-lobster abomination, a fruitcake with human teeth, aliens… watching this moving picture feels like pouring Drano into your ears and waiting for your brains to liquify.
Catdog
CatDog was a creative ninety's Nickelodeon cartoon featuring a half-cat-half-dog creature who gets into wacky hijinks, as its overnice cat-half and rambunctious dog-one-half are ever at odds. But the weird premise is not what makes this cartoon creepy, rather a handful of episodes that decided, "Screw it, allow's ship some kids to therapy."
In i, "Cat" attempts to sneakily brush "Domestic dog'south" teeth… past itch inside his own mouth, traveling up through its body towards the Dog half, and exiting canis familiaris'southward mouth. At this point, True cat is somehow inside-out, with expose muscle, vein, and middle tissue, that is both medically infeasible and Hellraiser levels of disturbing. Cheers, CatDog for making ten-twelvemonth-olds contemplate the frailty of the human heed.
Help! I'g a Fish
Help! I'm a Fish is a Danish children's movie that was adjusted to English, even acquiring the vocalism talents of Alan Rickman, Aaron Paul (earlier he was famous), and Terry Jones. The picture is well-nigh a grouping of kids who accidentally drinkable a potion that turns them into fish, and being stupid children, they lose the "antidote" that would turn them dorsum into humans. Information technology would be a mostly lackluster, forgettable children'due south movie, if not for the villain: Joe, a fish who got a sense of taste of the antidote potion, which evidently has the ability to give fish human-like characteristics as well.
Joe starts out as rather frightening, with a black and white face that looks more juggalo than fish, and a sinister voice (courtesy of the wonderfully nighttime Alan Rickman). After the typical villainous arc, Joe greedily tries to consume as much of the antidote as possible to become fully human. Instead, he becomes an uncanny fish-human hybrid, his peel tearing autonomously like Jeff Goldblum in The Fly . He afterward drowns, since he makes the mistake of drinking the human-potion while underwater (it can't exist overemphasized how many bad decisions the characters in this movie make).
O Canada
O Canada was a 90'due south Canadian-American kid'due south Tv show that aired on Drawing Network. It featured a series of Canadian animated shorts direct out a LSD-fueled horrorscape. In "To Be," a woman questions her own beingness, visits a wacky scientist who has invented a "transporter" which, in reality, clones the subjects and kills the original copy (the plot of The Prestige , simply for kids!).
The scientist "transports" himself, simply the original isn't killed, leading to a showdown where the woman must determine if she should kill one of the scientist doubles… and she does. Then, wracked with guilt, she kills herself by stepping into the transporter, allowing herself to exist vaporized as her clone walks guilt-gratis. Is information technology actually a kid's cartoon'south place to make us question the nature of our existence? Plainly, it is in Canada!
Peter Rabbit & Friends: The Royal Ballet
What more than must exist said than, "Live action people dressed as Beatrix Potter animals doing ballet?" Peter Rabbit & Friends: The Royal Ballet is exactly that. Though the plot is mostly kid friendly, the hyper-realistic fake animal heads (with unblinking eyes, don't forget those) atop the muscular, leotard-clad bodies of live dancers is just slightly uncanny.
The ballet is pretty well-choreographed, the costumes (though creepy) are weirdly like to the classic Beatrix Potter illustrations, and other than giving children nightmares for the residuum of their lives, it'southward a pretty beautiful production.
Gerry Anderson's Hoppity
What is it about puppets? Their creepy smiles? Their dead, shark-like eyes? The idea that they may of a sudden spring to life and rise upwardly against their human masters? Hoppity unwittingly goes total-throttle on the creepy puppet tropes. Created by Gerry Anderson (time to come creator of puppet Television set show Thunderbirds ), Hoppity is about a magical toy from the "goblin market" who can move on his own and communicates by shrieking "Teedily-tum! Deedily dum!"
His hapless human owner, a petty girl, is commanded to practice "naughty" acts, constantly getting in trouble. In tears, she explains she's heeding Hoppity'due south orders, but none of the adults believe her. It ends with her being sent to bed without supper, while Hoppity complains that he is hungry.
Emmet Freedy
Emmet Freedy was a 1990'southward Nicktoon, with an artstyle best described equally "Boschian horror-vomit." Using stop move (a class of animation that oft trips into the uncanny valley), its horribly designed paper-maché characters expect like something out of a college student's creepy art installation.
The end motion is stilted and unsettling, the voices sound like ambien-induced auditory hallucinations, the graphic symbol's lips, noses, and faces are grotesquely out of proportion, and the teeth… there'southward just fashion besides many teeth. No kid should be subjected to this cartoon, and those who were unfortunate plenty to sentinel this abomination should receive a lawsuit settlement to pay for their therapy.
Pingu
Pingu is a 1990's Swiss claymation virtually an adorable infant penguin. And so why does information technology brand the cut for creepiest children's shows? Pingu lulls its audition into a false sense of wholesome security, merely to rip the carpet out from nether you with a freaky, behemothic, maniacal walrus.
This monstrosity sticks out not simply considering of its inexplicable homo teeth, but due to how incongruous the weirdly detailed walrus is with Pingu's normally cute, cartoonish art style. To make matters worse, the walrus has a creepy, full-throated, homicidal laugh. As a result, a whole generation of Swiss children accept grown up to fright the Antarctic.
Ringing Bell
Don't exist fooled by this 1978 picture's adorable lamb VHS encompass-art. Ringing Bell begins as a flick about a beautiful, chubby-cheeked lamb, and then it decides to get GWAR on us. A wolf kills the lamb'south mother, and the lamb decides to seek revenge past getting the wolf to train him, so that he tin grow up to impale the wolf. The wolf agrees to the terms, and turns the adorable lamb into a demonic, wolf-killing ram.
The lamb'southward terminal grade looks like some sort of sharp-horned, shadowy, satanic beast. The lamb ends upward killing his adoptive-wolf-dad, and at the end of the picture show is left alone and miserable. The movie is ostensibly making a point almost the futility of revenge, but here's an idea: maybe don't sell a story near lamb-on-wolf-patricide to children?
Mike Huckabee's Larn Our History
Did you know Mike Huckabee helped create a children's show? And did yous know that children's bear witness is a weirdly on-the-nose serial of political indoctrination? And that information technology decided to ham-fistedly teach kids nearly 9/11? Well, as information technology turns out, all those things inexplicably happen to exist true.
The Learn Our History series teaches kids about 9/11 by tactlessly animating a plane crashing into the twin towers, as an onlooker cries out (without much enthusiasm), "No!" Another onlooker says, woodenly, "Who would do something like this?" We'd similar to ask the same question of this "child's" show'due south creators.
Shining Time Station
Shining Time Station was an ambrosial 1990's PBS show that featured Thomas the Tank Engine and his human being friends at the train station, including a tiny conductor played past George Carlin. The kids would go on imagination journeys through the train tunnels, during which the audience would be subjected to some pretty weird animations.
In one, a little boy goes through a museum of creepy looking paintings, which stick their tongues out and accident raspberries at him. The idea of sentient paintings sneakily mocking you, sticking out their homo tongues, was an unexpected source of nightmares. The series also regularly featured puppets who lived inside a jukebox, whose heavy-lidded death mask-like faces occasionally pop upward to haunt our dreams.
Raggedy Ann & Andy: A Musical Adventure
Raggedy Ann & Andy: A Musical Take chances is a 1977 kid'southward movie, with beautiful illustrations and lavish animation. Unfortunately, its detail simply serves to further the creep-gene during some utterly chilling sequences. Raggedy Ann & Andy, a pair of floppy textile dolls, run away.
Inside a pit filled with some sort of brown taffy, they see "The Greedy," a garish, sentient pile of candy, taffy, and bubbling fluids. It's constantly hungry and can never be sated, eating itself over and over in a psychedelic animated sequence. It eventually decides the but way to cure its hunger is to eat Raggedy Ann's heart.
Weinerville
Weinerville was a live 1990's kids variety/one-act bear witness that aired on Nickelodeon, hosted past Marc Weiner. Information technology sticks in our heads as unsettling not only due to "Boney," the skeletal mascot/hand boob, merely also due to the "Weinerizer," a machine that "shrinks" audition members' bodies, putting their disproportionately-large heads on puppet bodies.
It was a pretty simple fob (their real bodies were hiding behind the puppet phase), but to young viewers' eyes, it was an act of creepy sourcery. Additionally, there were a litany of weird characters, including "Socko," a puppet with a high-pitched voice and penchant for kick people, and Marc Weiner's human being-head combined with a variety of different puppets, which was at times funny, and at other times, unsettling.
Unico In The Island of Magic
Unico In The Island of Magic is a 1983 children'due south anime about a cute Unicorn-puppy-bear looking animal with pink hair and a cheerful spirit. What could get wrong? Evil puppets, that'due south what. In the picture, "Kukuruku" is an abandoned puppet come to life. Instead of having some playful Toy Story -esque adventures, Kukuruku decides to seek revenge on the human race by turning every living creature into freaky, moaning wooden zombies.
He uses these blank-faced human being puppets equally building blocks in his behemothic evil belfry. And Kukuruku himself is a freaky, enormous puppet who eats Unico and a little girl. We estimate mentally scarring children builds grapheme?
Black Beauty
Black Beauty was 1994 live-action movie adaptation of a volume by the same name. Information technology's a movie about the adventures of a beautiful black stallion, which is another way of saying go ready for some dead horses! In the movie, Black Dazzler and his best friend Ginger become through all sorts of adventures together including: almost drowning, most dying of pneumonia, beingness enslaved by evil humans, condign deeply depressed, and dying.
That's right, at one betoken Ginger is bought by wicked masters, who beat her and abuse her that her spirit is eventually completely broken. Blackness Dazzler must spotter as they cart of her limp, hobbling, lifeless body. At least she's free from pain, Black Dazzler muses. What a neat movie for kids.
4 Square
We get it, kids like bright, colorful, surreal globe, with frenetic energy and charismatic people. Simply four Foursquare, a Canadian kids show that aired from 2003-2015, tried to go with this formula, and somehow came upwards with a show that feels like a cultist'south brainwashing video.
Three adults, all wearing identical bright-bluish spandex unitards (which, on the men, leaves… little to be imagined below the waist), are commanded by a fourth developed in a vivid-blueish spanex unitard to practice a variety of "exercises." "Spread the cheeks!" she commands, and they dutifully do so. Thankfully, she means the confront cheeks, otherwise we'd be leaving a tip for the FBI.
Salute Your Shorts
Salute Your Shorts is a 1990's Nickelodeon Television show that follows the live-action adventures of a summertime camp and its wacky attendees. Unfortunately, information technology takes a turn towards Texas Chainsaw Massacre afterward the introduction of a spooky camp fable, "Zeke the Plumber." He's the ghost of a noseless plumber who died in a gas leak (no nose—he couldn't odour it).
Zeke haunts the army camp, wearing a creepy, misshapen mask, with a bloody patch where his olfactory organ should be. According to the camp fable, if y'all touch his cursed plunger, he volition haunt your dreams. Thanks for the warning, simply we didn't impact any forbidden plungers and he's yet haunting us to this day.
Reboot
ReBoot is a Canadian (oh howdy once more Canada, yous weirdos) 3D-animated cartoon that aired from 1994-2001. It stars a bunch of fun digital characters who live within the "mainframe" of the computer. They're constantly battling viruses and protecting the digital citizens of their town. And certain, Hexadecimal is a pretty creepy antagonist, with a variety of motionless masks that displayed her expression. But the true horror comes in the grade of "game cubes."
Whenever a user decides to play a game, a behemothic regal cube descends upon the city. Information technology traps whatsoever digital people inside and strength them to play a game against the "user." If the digital people lose, they are "nulled," aka, wiped clean from beingness. One of the characters (a kid, no less) appears to die in one of the game cubes, only to come back subsequently equally adult - he survived nullification but spent decades being tortured by video games. It made u.s.a. rethink the fashion we treated our Sims.
Long Agone and Far Away
Long Ago and Far Abroad aired on PBS from 1989-1992. It'south an album show of bedtime stories for children. Hosted by James Earl Jones, voice of Darth Vader, Mufasa, and probably God, it is a solid children's bear witness. Notwithstanding, a few episodes stick in our minds equally creepy. "Rarg" spins an animated tale about a world inhabited past strange looking citizens, superintelligent babies, and a mayor with arms growing out of his head.
The science babies notice their unabridged world is just a random man'southward dream, and they'll all die when he wakes up. So they build a span to the waking world, kidnap the homo, and trap him inside his own dream forever. Gee, way to help kids feel safe falling asleep.
Moomin
Moomin are adorable characters created past a Finnish artist, that were turned into an Japanese/Dutch anime in 1990. Information technology follows the adventures of the Moomin family, a group of cow-hippo-canis familiaris blazon creatures. The cuteness of a sudden evaporates every bit soon every bit the Groke makes an appearance.
A huge, grimacing, ghost-similar creature, the Groke haunts the Moomin valley, freezing and killing every living thing she stands upon. Her appearances in the anime are coupled with bone-chilling death rattles and a menacing musical score. And skillful news! The Moomin have been reimagined in a 2022 3D-blithe series chosen, Moominvalley. And is that a Groke in the trailer? Yes, yes it is.
Vintage Sesame Street
In that location's nothing more pure in this world than Sesame Street , right? In the 90'due south, among the ambrosial puppets, sesame street featured brief segments, either cartoons or playful shorts. I of which was "William Wegman's Weimaraners." Weimaraners are a stately breed of dogs with soulful, somber eyes. Dogs are cute, but non when y'all give them human torsos.
William Wegman is an photographer famous for propping his dogs upward on a man player, making information technology announced like a person who has a dog'south head. The photographs themselves are a little weird, simply in live activeness the pitter-patter-factor is multiplied. The dogs stare woefully alee as adult actors gesticulate wildly. The dogs? Cute. The half-dog-half-human monstrosities? Not cute.
The Brave Little Toaster
The Dauntless Trivial Toaster is an underappreciated 1989 animated children's movie, and despite its high quality and creative premise, boy oh boy does information technology have some unsettling moments. Starring personified household items such as Toaster (who is dauntless), Radio, Lamp, Blankie, and Kirby (a grumpy vacuum), they gear up out from an abased vacation home to seek their long-lost human primary. Along the way they encounter terrifying moments such every bit being kidnapped by a human tinkerer, who traps (fully sentient and aware) electronics in a vice and rips them apart, harvesting their oil-stained inner parts.
He as well likes to create "inventions:" electronic devices that have been Frankensteined-together, who are simply too aware of their horribly mutilated existence. Toaster & gang also wind up in a junkyard, equally old, used-up cars sing a lamentable chant about being resigned to their fate (of being crushed and killed past a car compactor). Hey, merely Toaster makes toast in the cease, so hurray!
Zig-Zag
Zig Zag is a 1979-1988 Canadian kids show. Canada, seriously, what the heck is going on with you guys? This evidence starts a bearded, bespectacled host whose sense of humor feels more like unhinged rantings and ravings than one-act. In one instance, he plays some sort of "tough guy grapheme," staring in a photographic camera closeup that is far too close for comfort.
"You know me… Lemon's the proper noun," he says, in an ominous phonation more befitting of Twin Peaks than a kid'southward bear witness. "Yous know what time information technology is… no, it'south not bathroom fourth dimension. It's Zig Zag time. So stay tuned kids! I'm comin' back a picayune later. And remember… whatever you do… don't… brand… me… mad…" Cue the jazzy fourscore'due south music and thousands of kids soiling their overalls.
Jim Henson'southward The Storyteller
Jim Henson'south The Storyteller is some other underrated precious stone of a Idiot box testify. Information technology's hosted by the inimitable John Hurt, features a potpourri of impressive Henson puppets, and tells a series of European fairy-tale classics. Despite this, information technology'south nonetheless manages to be incredibly dark,
Some of the creepier stories include a soldier whose actions leave him forever stuck between the gates of heaven and hell, a hedgehog-human being hybrid, and a princess who is going to exist married off to her ain begetter in a bizarre ritual. Needless to say, these themes are a bit mature for children. Don't even get us started on the spinoff serial The Storyteller: Greek Myths that aired in 1990. Yikes.
Darby O'Gill & The Petty People
This little-known 1959 live-action Disney flick is an Irish tale featuring leprechauns and Sean Connery. This formula should be foolproof, but oh god, the banshee. Amidst the impish hijinks of the Leprechaun king and an aging Darby O'Gill (played by the very Irish Albert Sharpe), there are startlingly horrifying elements, such as did we mention the banshee?!
The banshee, a ghoulish wailing specter with unpleasantly long fingers and a hollow old woman's face up, kills the protagonist's daughter, and calls upon a spectral carriage drawn by black horses: death. Equally kids, it made us spit out our Lucky Charms.
Strawinsky and the Mysterious Business firm
What happens when you lot requite an alien masquerading as a human a apprehensive animation budget and the directive to make a movie for kids? You lot get whatever Strawinsky and the Mysterious Business firm (2013) is supposed to be. With horrendously ugly 3D character models, equally terrible blitheness, and soulless vocalism acting, this movie is an abomination of sight and sound that should be locked into a vault and subconscious away in a vast warehouse.
Worst of all is the scene featuring the psychotically-named, "Globglogabgalab," a sort of half-homo, half-Jabba-the-Hutt, melted slug like creature. The Globglogabgalab undulates his sickeningly turd-similar body, and sings (poorly) about how much he loves books. "I am the Globglogabgalab, the shwabble dabble wubble flaba blaba blubber, I'm full of shwimble glibmer-kind, I am the yeast of thoughts and heed," he rambles incoherently. This movie gets 5/5 stars for traumatizing your children.
Nigh The Author
Source: https://collider.com/galleries/30-creepiest-kids-tv-shows/
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